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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27113053">go ahead (and break my heart again)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/junns/pseuds/junns'>junns</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stray Kids (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Break Up, Established Relationship, Hurt No Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, Lee Minho | Lee Know-centric, M/M, No Proofreading We Die Like Men, Oops, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sad Han Jisung | Han, but it's not a chatfic i swear, hints at mental health ig ??, idk what this is, kinda dialogue heavy, most of skz are just mentioned like once, or an attempt at angst at least, text fic elements</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 17:08:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,599</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27113053</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/junns/pseuds/junns</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>it’s concerning, really, how easily minho’s heartbeat races by just texting jisung. without context, the thought would be sweet--romantic, even. maybe, at some point, it had been a romantic act; a show of how much jisung affected minho without even needing to be physically present. but the days of love-derived-heart-racing were over, and instead replaced by a feeling that minho would’ve never expected to come from someone like jisung--read: someone whom he loved. </p><p>it wasn’t fear--no, he didn’t fear talking to jisung. he yearned to, if anything. it was more like a feeling of uncertainty, always making him hesitate whenever it came to talking to jisung lately. it was by no means healthy, or even a sign of a balanced relationship. it was more like a warning of what could happen if they didn’t attempt to fix the mess they called a relationship, but minho pushed that thought far, far back into his mind, convincing himself that he was just overanalyzing the situation. jisung just wasn’t feeling his best; that was all there was to it.</p><p>or; minho let's jisung break his heart again.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>go ahead (and break my heart again)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this fic was inspired by <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjmBLCbTgDo">break my heart again - finneas</a> so i recommend listening to it before/while reading this fic :]</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>minho</b>
</p><p>hey sung, just got out of work</p><p>would you mind me coming over to hang out just for a bit?</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>it’s concerning, really, how easily minho’s heartbeat races by just texting jisung. without context, the thought would be sweet--romantic, even. maybe, at some point, it <em> had </em> been a romantic act; a show of how much jisung affected minho without even needing to be physically present. but the days of love-derived-heart-racing were over, and instead replaced by a feeling that minho would’ve never expected to come from someone like jisung--read: someone whom he loved. </p><p> </p><p>it wasn’t fear--no, he didn’t fear talking to jisung. he yearned to, if anything. it was more like a feeling of uncertainty, always making him hesitate whenever it came to talking to jisung lately. it was by no means healthy, or even a sign of a balanced relationship. it was more like a warning of what <em> could </em> happen if they didn’t attempt to fix the mess they called a relationship, but minho pushed that thought far, far back into his mind, convincing himself that he was just overanalyzing the situation. jisung just wasn’t feeling his best; that was all there was to it.</p><p> </p><p>the thought prompted minho to text jisung once again, the lack of response so far making him slightly more anxious.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>minho</b>
</p><p>or</p><p>do you need some time to yourself?</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>minho sighed, dropping the device onto his lap as he willed himself to simply <em> stop. </em> he had known jisung well enough to know when something was off, he had even prided himself over the fact that he could read the other male better than anyone else in their friend group at the time. so yes, minho knew jisung wasn't feeling like himself lately. he hadn’t been the same for a while, honestly, but that was okay. everyone needs time to themselves every once in a while, right? </p><p> </p><p>jisung had gone past the ‘once in a while’ scale. it was almost like he was actively searching for reasons to ignore minho’s invites to things such as going to the mall, or visiting a park together. it had gotten so bad that jisung even refused to go to the movies with minho, and instead opted for staying home, all by himself, under the excuse that he wanted to get a headstart on some assignments. which, to be fair, was a reasonable enough excuse, but it still left minho on edge. it was common knowledge that jisung would postpone any type of work for as long as he could. minho only hoped that his sudden change of morals was purely jisung trying to be a better student. </p><p> </p><p>minho’s phone buzzed on his lap. <em> speaking--thinking?--of the devil. </em></p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>jisung</b>
</p><p>m sorry min</p><p>i really don’t feel like being with anyone right now </p><p>i’ll make it up to you next week, if you let me</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>minho had half a heart to be disappointed. he expected to be rejected, like he had been many times now. he almost wanted to scold himself for even trying when he knew all too well that the answer would be no. but he knew why he did it, even if the answer was still the same every time. he was scared. scared that jisung would slip through his fingers if he stopped trying to bring his brighter-self back from wherever it may be. the thought of losing jisung was so unimaginably painful that minho rarely allowed himself to dwell on it, and if he did, it would only be for a few seconds as the thought tended to become overwhelming after any more time. </p><p> </p><p>he didn’t push jisung into agreeing. he had only tried to do so a few times before, but that never got him anywhere as jisung would just turn his read-receipts off until minho go the message that no, he did not want to hang out. it was a little harsh, perhaps, but minho let it slide. it was on him for pushing when jisung had already said no, afterall. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>minho</b>
</p><p>nono, it’s okay babe</p><p>take your time, yeah?</p><p>take care of yourself</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>jisung</b>
</p><p>ty, i will</p><p>love u</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>minho</b>
</p><p>love u too</p><p>
  <em> read </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>and with that, minho was left to his own devices again, wondering whether he had done something wrong to land himself in the position he was currently in. he had always made sure that jisung knew how much he cherished him, so why did it feel like he had never done enough?</p><p> </p><p>minho pushed that thought away, too. </p><p> </p><p>he threw his phone into his bag again and willed himself to focus on something else, like getting himself home before he spent any more time just sitting in his car, which wasn’t even on yet. he turned the keys and watched the vehicle come to life, quickly pulling out of his parking spot and turning to the main road, which then split into two smaller roads.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> jisung’s apartment is to the left. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>minho drove towards the right.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>promises.</p><p> </p><p>what a funny thing they were. </p><p> </p><p>minho had promised many things in his life before. like when he was younger and promised to take care of his grades,  wanting nothing more than to astonish his parents by how smart he was. or when he adopted his first cat, and promised to take care of it and love it with his whole heart. and how could he forget about the time when he (in a moment of weakness, as he liked to call it) promised to be there for his friends unconditionally whenever they needed support. it was safe to say that minho was always motivated to keep his promises, because breaking a promise, at least to him, would be disappointing the other person, and minho wanted anything <em> but </em> to disappoint those who trusted him. </p><p> </p><p>he only slightly wished that jisung would share his thought process. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>minho</b>
</p><p>morning sungie</p><p>are we still on for today? </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>no response. </p><p> </p><p><em> that’s fine </em> , minho thought. he knew jisung liked to spend his morning either sleeping in, or catching up with work then, preferring to free-up his afternoons in order to spend that time doing whatever he pleased. he understood that. what he didn’t understand, no matter how hard he tried, was why it took a total of <em> 7 hours </em> for jisung to even acknowledge that fact that minho had texted him, despite him promising to go out that day. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>jisung</b>
</p><p>fuck </p><p>minho i’m so sorry</p><p>i don’t know what’s wrong with me</p><p>i don’t think i can go out today</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p><em> that’s fine </em>. </p><p> </p><p>was it, though? </p><p> </p><p>minho almost felt betrayed, almost. jisung had <em> promised </em> to see minho, to make up for lost time. despite how close the two were, it was hard to see each other all the time, even without including jisung’s almost-blatant avoidance of minho. minho was no longer in school, and technically, jisung shouldn’t be either, but the latter had chosen to take a gap-year after his highschool graduation since he still had no clue of what he wanted to be back then. this only widened the gap between them. they didn’t have any reasons to cross paths anymore, not unless they had mutually agreed to. if minho bothered to count--which he <em> did </em>--it had been around almost a week since he had seen jisung’s face, and even longer since he had seen him physically. to say that he was longing for the younger boy’s presence was an understatement. </p><p> </p><p>the feeling did not seem to be mutual. </p><p> </p><p>it was during times like this that minho wondered why he allowed jisung to get away with so many things. it’s not like he could really do much to ‘punish’ jisung, per se, but maybe they could use a serious talk or two. but minho was a weak man. a weak, weak man who had far too much love for a boy that couldn’t seem to keep up even with himself. but that was fine. because jisung still loved minho. he claimed to do so, at least. whether he said it out of obligation or genuine care, was anyone’s guess. minho still held on to the idea that jisung’s love for him hadn’t deteriorated, that he was just going through a rough time and that was all. </p><p> </p><p>admittedly, minho felt loathsome to some extent. since when had doubting his boyfriend become so natural for him? he was sure no healthy relationship consisted of constant doubting, much less to the level of his. jisung wasn’t a bad person. he didn’t deserve minho doubting his every move.</p><p> </p><p>what kind of boyfriend does that? </p><p> </p><p>(<em> one who cares, </em> minho wants to reason.) </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>minho</b>
</p><p>don’t worry, i get it </p><p>you can’t help it if your mind has changed </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>jisung</b>
</p><p>i really did want to see you </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>minho</b>
</p><p>i know</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>he does not. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>minho</b>
</p><p>next time, yeah? </p><p>when you feel better </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>jisung</b>
</p><p>okay</p><p>next time </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>minho</b>
</p><p>:) </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>next time comes unsurprisingly slow, another two weeks and a half passing by before the two agree on meeting up again, this time in jisung’s apartment. they hadn’t been completely silent with each other in the meantime, minho was happy to note. they had even video-called <em> twice </em>, which said a lot since jisung was always very outspoken about his dislike for calls and video-calls alike. maybe he just didn’t mind them when it was with minho. the thought made minho giddy. </p><p> </p><p>still, it wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies yet. maybe he’s too observant, or maybe he just worries too much, but minho <em> swore </em> there was an underlying sadness in jisung’s eyes that was hard to ignore, visible even through the now-cracked screen of his phone. minho distinctly remembered that jisung’s eyes used to shine like he had somehow managed to fit the whole universe in them, this being one of the hundred, if not thousand, reasons as to why minho fell for him. that spark of life was gone when minho called him. it was as if his eyes had darken while still maintaining that deep-hazel color that they always had. minho found this hard to ignore when jisung pressed his face too close to the camera, his features becoming even clearer than before. a small part of minho wished it was only the lack of actual face-to-face interaction between the two that made jisung appear so troubled to minho, but he’d be a fool to even consider so seriously. </p><p> </p><p>minho’s heart broke when his reasoning proved to be right as he faced a not-so-lively looking jisung, who was practically drowning himself in oversized clothing. </p><p> </p><p>“hi, come in, i haven’t picked anything for us to watch yet,” jisung spoke hurriedly, gesturing for minho to step inside the apartment so he could close the door behind him. minho took notice of the lack in kisses--which were a normal way of greeting each other between the two--but said nothing. instead, he settled for a warm smile and a nod as he crossed to the other side of the door, ruffling jisung’s hair in the process. “all good, we can just choose together.” the suggestion seemed reasonable to jisung, who nodded with a small smile as he ventured deeper into his apartment, probably to sit on the couch that was directly in front of his t.v. </p><p> </p><p>minho followed after him, taking note of how jisung had arranged a small assortment of snacks already. both their favorite kind of chips were present, and suddenly minho felt a sense of normalcy wash over him, albeit briefly. it made him feel slightly bolder, choosing to seat himself directly next to jisung while draping an arm over his shoulders, pulling the boy even closer. jisun didn’t respond to the contact for a few seconds before allowing it to continue, positioning himself in a way that allowed for him to rest his head on minho’s shoulder, a deep breath leaving his lungs then. </p><p> </p><p>the two stayed silent for a moment, just basking in each other’s presence. it had been a while. minho almost didn’t want to put on a movie anymore, or do anything else, for that matter. he had missed the feeling of holding jisung too much, and it all suddenly crashed down on him as he looked down at his boyfriend who's slightly-overgrown hair fell on his eyes as he laid his head on his shoulder, only the sound of his soft breaths audible at that moment. minho wondered if jisung had missed this as much as he did. he sort of believed that was the case, if jisung cuddling closer to him was anything to go by. in the moment, it almost felt like whatever they had been going through for the last couple of weeks had never happened--all the longing, the doubting, the anxiousness, just faraway memories. call minho dramatic, but he truly believed that all he had been missing this time was jisung’s presence, so much so that he had even worried himself for nothing--</p><p> </p><p>jisung pulled away abruptly, turning to seat himself on the end of the couch, as far away from minho as he could.</p><p> </p><p>“let’s just watch a movie, yeah?”</p><p> </p><p><em> that’s fine </em>. </p><p> </p><p>it wasn’t. </p><p> </p><p>minho wanted to believe that his worries were irrational, that jisung <em> really </em> wasn’t pushing him away every chance he got. but how could he when it was so <em> damn </em> clear? how could he, when jisung wasn’t even trying to hide it? minho may be in love with the boy, but he wasn’t that much of a fool, he refused to be anymore. he wasn’t willing to spend more nights wondering just <em> why </em> he ever let jisung affect him as much as he does, craving his love at all times and even <em> justifying </em> why jisung refrained from giving him what he wanted all the time. jisung wasn’t okay, and minho just wanted to help, but if jisung wouldn’t cooperate by himself, then minho would have to start pushing in the--hopefully--right places. </p><p> </p><p>“no, wait,” minho took the remote from jisung’s hand, watching as the other turned to look at him, confused. there it was, that <em> sadness </em> that jisung held in his eyes, so overwhelming that minho wondered just how long jisung had been hiding it from him, from <em> everyone </em> . “i think,” a pause. “we need to talk.” minho only felt his heart ache more as he watched panic wash over jisung’s features. <em> talking was for the better </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“about…?” </p><p> </p><p>“you.” </p><p> </p><p>jisung took a sharp inhale, clearly uncomfortable with the topic, but minho wasn’t going to back down anymore. this had gone on for too long, who was to blame, he couldn’t say, but it had to end. </p><p> </p><p>“jisung, honestly, how are you?” jisung shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “you haven’t been the same for so long, jisung. you keep on ignoring my texts, calls, and everything else.” minho pleaded for jisung to tell the truth with his eyes, hoping that he understood the fact that he just wanted to help.</p><p> </p><p>jisung seemed to ponder over the question for a little, seemingly in battle with himself. minho didn’t know what exactly jisung’s train of thought was, but he could only pray that he had at least considered telling minho the obvious; that he wasn’t okay. honesty was all that minho asked for. surely, that couldn’t be too much? </p><p> </p><p>“i’m fine.” </p><p> </p><p>minho just about exploded. </p><p> </p><p>“god damn it, jisung!” jisung looked startled from the sudden response, not used to minho being <em> this </em> reactive. “you’re not fine! why can’t you just tell me that? jisung, are you even <em> living </em> ? if you’ve been acting the same with everyone, then how long has it been since you’ve been out with jeongin and the rest of the guys? or have you really just been ignoring <em> me </em> ?” minho watched as jisung’s mouth opened and closed, no sound coming from him in the end. he only grew more agitated, <em> weeks </em> of doubts upon doubts spilling from him at a surprising speed. </p><p> </p><p>“fuck, jisung! do you know how long i’ve been waiting for you to at least <em> try </em> and talk to me, just for me to end up being the one initiating any kind of interaction between us? how can you say that you’re fine when you’ve been cancelling plans with me for months all for the same reasons. you always need space and time and i’ve been more than willing to give you them, but for how long? <em> for how long, jisung? </em> how long will you keep pushing me away like this? i’m trying to understand, but that’s kind of fucking hard when you don’t tell me shit! i care for you jisung, i <em> love </em>you, why won’t you just let me help?” </p><p> </p><p>minho almost panted after finishing pouring his heart out, no longer caring to keep himself composed as he waited for jisung to just <em> say </em> something, <em> anything </em>. </p><p> </p><p>“i--minho, it’s not like that,” minho looked at jisung incredulously, the male refusing to meet his gaze as he spoke in between mumbles. “i swear, i’m not trying to push you away, <em> it’s not like that--”  </em></p><p> </p><p>“then <em> what is it </em> , jisung? <em> tell me. </em>” </p><p> </p><p>“it’s complicated--”</p><p> </p><p>“then help me understand.” </p><p> </p><p>“i can’t just--”</p><p> </p><p>“yes, you can--”</p><p> </p><p>“stop!” jisung snapped, looking at minho with a clearly angry expression. “maybe if you weren’t so damn pushy all the time, i would tell you why i’m like this!” </p><p> </p><p>minho stared at jisung in disbelief. pushy? <em> pushy? </em> after all the times minho had refrained from questioning jisung’s behavior, giving him space and time to himself, never pressing on about hanging out with him, always excusing jisung and his vague excuses, after convincing himself that jisung didn’t have to explain himself in any way, after all <em> that </em> , jisung still had the nerve to call him <em> pushy? </em></p><p> </p><p>minho laughed. jisung looked at him like he was insane.</p><p> </p><p>maybe they both were. </p><p> </p><p>“oh, so it’s <em> my </em> fault for trying to understand why you’re down, for <em> caring </em> about you and your well-being, for giving you time and space whenever you asked for it, and never pressing further whenever you told me you weren’t in the mood to do anything, it’s all my fault because of that?” minho felt a hot pressure begin to build up in his eyes. he willed the feeling away; he was <em> not </em> about to cry because of this. “jisung, you say it’s my fault when <em> you </em> don't even try to <em> act </em> like you care about this relationship. when was the last time you talked to me without me initiating it? we may have called and texted but we both know damn-well that it only happened because i was being <em> pushy </em>, according to you. tell me, do you even mean it when you said you loved me? or are you just saying it to shut me up?” </p><p> </p><p>jisung was quick to shake his head, standing up and trying to reach minho where he now stood, minho almost breaking at just how <em> hurt </em> jisung looked when he tried to hold his hand but ultimately failed as he pulled his hand away from his reach. minho tried to keep his face as stoic as he could, even as he watched the first of many tears begin to slip down jisung’s face. it hurt so, so bad, but what could he do? confrontation was bound to happen; who was to say it would’ve gone differently later on?</p><p> </p><p>“no, no, minho please listen,” jisung choked back a sob. “i love you so, so much, i really do. minho, you have no idea. you’re my everything, i would never purposely push you away, <em> i promise </em>--” </p><p> </p><p>“then tell me, what’s going on, jisung.” minho pleaded, this time not only with his eyes, but his voice, and expression, trying to get jisung to crack. “this won’t work unless you talk to me.” </p><p> </p><p>“i--i can’t--i don’t--” </p><p> </p><p>“it’s either you tell me or i’m walking out the front door and never coming back.” </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> an ultimatum. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>a heavy silence fell over them as the words’ weight began settling deep into both of them, the sudden seriousness of the situation being an unexpected outcome. minho couldn’t say he had been planning to get to this point so soon, but he was just so <em> tired </em>. it was all or nothing. </p><p>jisung tried again.</p><p> </p><p>“no, no, no, no, no minho, please don’t do this,” the boy basically cried, reaching for both of minho’s hands in a desperate moment, trying to get the other to stay so desperately. “i love you, please don’t leave me, i just <em> can’t </em>--” </p><p> </p><p>“why can’t you, jisung? why?” minho was trying to save them both, but it was just so <em> hard </em> to do so when they had already gone past the point of return. jisung could only shake his head and repeat himself for the nth time. “ <em> i just can’t-- </em>”</p><p> </p><p>minho took one deep breath.</p><p> </p><p>he let go off jisung’s hands.</p><p> </p><p>“i’m sorry, jisung. this isn’t working.” </p><p> </p><p>“no! minho, stop!” jisung was frantic, trying to grasp onto minho in any way, minho only pushing him back softly, trying to hold himself together until he <em> at least </em> arrived at his car. he had reached his breaking point, it was only a matter of time until he fully broke. “minho please, think about this, i still love you, you do too!” </p><p> </p><p>minho turned to jisung, smiling sadly at the crying boy. for sure, they were in love, but it was hurting them more than anything. it had been hurting minho for <em> so long </em> , and yet, he had managed to convince himself that it <em> wasn’t </em>. maybe he was a fool, afterall. </p><p> </p><p>“i love you, i’m so sorry.” </p><p> </p><p>with one quick movement, minho pulled the door open, slipping past and closing it behind himself in one fluid motion, jisung’s cries still audible despite the door being closed. </p><p> </p><p>jisung didn’t try to follow minho. he didn’t try to text, or call, or give any indication of wanting to really fix anything. despite minho giving jisung an ultimatum, a selfish part of him wished the boy would’ve at least tried to keep minho from leaving harder. in the end, that never happened. minho cried himself to sleep that night, and woke up to his phone void of notifications. </p><p> </p><p>they were over. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>half a decade should be more than enough time to get over an ex, maybe even get yourself into a new relationship, if you wished.</p><p> </p><p>minho wished things were that simple.</p><p> </p><p>because half a decade later--<em> 5 years </em> later--minho still finds himself unable to forget a certain heart-shaped smile, and the tears that once overpowered said smile. because 5 years later, minho is still irrevocably in love with jisung, but he manages, surprisingly good at hiding it from those around him, and even the subject of his attraction. or so he thought. </p><p> </p><p>it’s christmas now, and chan has gathered all the boys in order to host a small christmas party which served for the boys to catch up with each other, their lives all leading to different paths now that they’re not so young anymore. minho’s having fun, talking with the other six and sparing glances at a specially hyper boy every now and then. they haven’t spoken since the break-up (minho wasn’t even <em> sure </em> it had been a legitimate break-up), and none of the other boys knew the full story, so it was safe to say that minho would rather keep a safe distance between himself and jisung just as a precaution. he didn’t want to do anything stupid. </p><p> </p><p>despite the tension between the two, the night was going rather calm, soft music bouncing off the walls of the cozy house, the room suddenly a lot warmer with all of them lounging about, drinking punch and whatever other drink chan had put out for them. minho was fine, he was calm. jisung hadn’t tried to gain his attention during the night, at all. minho took it as a sign that he should really stop being so paranoid whenever the boy walked by. <em> these were his friends too, for god’s sake. </em></p><p> </p><p>minho ran out of something to drink somewhere in the middle of a conversation about which reptile was the most underrated, courtesy of felix and hyunjin. it was nice to note that while they may have gotten older, they were still as playful as ever, giving off a sense of belonging and comfort. minho was quick to excuse himself to the kitchen, pouring himself another glass of punch before drinking half of it in the spot, filling it up again, and nearly jumping out of his skin as he noticed someone watching him not-so-subtly from the kitchen’s entrance. <em> just his luck </em>. </p><p> </p><p>“sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” jisung mumbled, looking anywhere <em> but </em> at minho. minho was almost grateful for that, eye-contact with jisung didn’t sound appealing then. </p><p> </p><p>“it’s okay, i was just getting something to drink.” he responded, voice calm and unwavering. he figured he might as well <em> try </em> and act normal for the night. what was the use of ignoring each other anyway? they were over, but they still shared their friends. bumping into each other had always been inevitable. </p><p> </p><p>minho assumed that jisung was there for the same reason; to get something to drink. but he realized too late that jisung wasn’t even holding a cup, instead pointing to a particular ornament that hung in the ceiling above them, almost hidden to the view.</p><p> </p><p>a mistletoe. </p><p> </p><p>and of course, jisung had to notice it before minho got a chance to escape. </p><p> </p><p>“you do know we don’t have to, right?” minho questioned dumbly, almost blurting his words out in a rush. “it’s just an ornament.” </p><p> </p><p>“it’s tradition, actually.” </p><p> </p><p>minho might faint. </p><p> </p><p>it was almost like everything stopped moving as jisung made his way to minho in a bold move, clearly moving with a purpose. minho didn’t even notice he was holding his breath until he exhaled as he watched jisung stop directly in front of him, closer than they had been in <em> years </em>. </p><p> </p><p>“jisung…” </p><p> </p><p>“so?” jisung questioned, standing so <em> close </em>, minho could practically make out every little detail, not like he didn’t remember them anyways. </p><p> </p><p>jisung was, ultimately, the same. he still dressed the same, he still styled his hair the same (although the color <em> did </em> change), he still stood in the same awkward way as he always had--hell--he still <em> smelled </em> the same, like a mix of vanilla and a random drop of lemon. and, perhaps the worst realization minho had that night, jisung still had the same <em> look </em>. </p><p> </p><p>his eyes, always so alluring, so beautiful one could drown in them, still contained that same sadness that had led to them separating in the first place. jisung hadn’t changed, <em> not at all </em>, he was still the same boy that had taken minho’s heart and then proceeded to break it, piece by piece. if minho kissed him, there was no guarantee that they wouldn’t just go back to how they were years ago; miserable. </p><p> </p><p>minho was a weak, weak man. </p><p> </p><p>a weak man who kissed han jisung under the mistletoe while all their friends chatted away in the living room, unaware of the absolute disaster that was happening mere <em> meters </em> away from them. </p><p> </p><p>jisung was the first to pull away.</p><p> </p><p>“<em> i miss you </em>.” jisung whispered against minho’s lips, not quite touching but still so close. </p><p> </p><p>minho couldn’t answer, practically rooted in the spot. jisung took advantage of this, moving back and looking directly into minho’s soul, just like he feared he would. minho stared back into the intoxicating hazel orbs, <em> into those same sad eyes </em>. </p><p> </p><p>“can we try again? i’ve changed minho, let me show you that i have.”</p><p> </p><p>he hasn’t.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> but maybe that’s fine.  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this is the result of me listening to the same song for wayyy too long, but anyways. </p><p>find me on twt as @skaterhjs !<br/>come scream at me in my <a href="https://curiouscat.qa/linosn">cc</a> :D</p></blockquote></div></div>
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